Happy Birthday Ben Joseph - our lil' Papa

You little one are a third of mommy's heart
I knew it right from the start.
The way you hold my finger tight,
when we're alone late at night.
When I cradle you in my arms
you smile and show all your charms.
Then you drift off to sleep
sometimes I can’t help but weep,
how lucky I have become
to actually be the chosen one.
To have and hold a child like you
now life seems to good to be true.
So I look up at the sky so blue
and thank the heavens for giving me you!

Happy 3rd Birthday son! Mama loves you more than life itself. You have taught me: patience, joy, true happiness, and everlasting love. You have given me my purpose in life. I love you and thank my Father in Heaven every day for sending me YOU.

Ofa Lahi Atu, Mommy

It's a "Pit-Stop"

Tonight I write/type because I am so sad. My heart is just sobbing. I love my life, I love my family, I love my friends, I love the strong relationships we have formed with so many, I love my culture, I love my religion, I love my beliefs, but I HATE CHANGE! Change is something I have been trying to cope with for a long time. It is something I agree with, something I know that is right, something that is coming, yet something I have NEVER been good at.

We have lived here in Hayward and managed our 32 unit complex for the past four years. It has been the biggest blessing as we began managing as newlyweds and started our little family here in this apartment. As managers, in compensation we have received free rent, and a small monthly salary. Through the past four years along with managing I have either worked a part-time job, a full-time job or been able to stay home. Of course my favorite of the three scenarios has been being able to stay home with my children. It (managing) has given me the opportunity to have the BEST bonding time, and “getting to know you” time with my children. I am lucky; I have a husband who has a great job, who loves us, and who works hard to pay all of our accrued and current bills. We had all three of our children while living here. We have grown to love our neighbors as our family. Some of the best relationships we have with others have been formed here at “Morpark.” I have ALWAYS felt safe living here. There was a time where 6 other units surrounding us were my family members. At that same time there was a total of 11 units that were members of the church. Also at this time out of the 32 units (not including ours) 10 units were Samoan families, and 2 units were Tongan families. Hence, I have always felt safe and felt this isn’t just a “complex” but a “community.” We have always looked out for each other, borrowed a cup of sugar, a dozen of eggs, gel, hairspray, or even cars lol from one another.

Our unit, is right in the center of the complex. If you enter into the parking lot our complex is U shaped. Our unit is set right in the center of the curve. 26003. Many know that number. Missionaries who are tracking on our long street often come by to use the restroom or the telephone, or get a drink or a bite to eat, or even just to rest their feet. We’ve been a “pit-stop” for MANY. Others come by to visit the kids, some come by because they’re already in the area and need to save gas, so they wait at our home, some come by to watch our free cable (lol), some come by to use our computer, some come by to do their laundry, some come by to sleep on their lunch break, some come by to bring us sweets/goodies, some come by to play dominos or cards, some come by to see what kind of snacks my kids have or what I’m cooking for dinner, some come by in the middle of the night to sleep on our couch, and some come by just to say hello. No matter who comes by, they are ALWAYS welcomed in our home. I cry thinking that we are now moving a little further, and all of these “some come by to…” won’t quite be so often.

We know moving to San Mateo is where our family needs to be at this time, but it’s coping with the change that is difficult for me. Thank goodness I know that in the end as long as I have my husband and my children, my homesickness will clear and go away. There is no other person in this world I would rather go through my “change” with than my One in six-billion, my own prince that has brought me peace.


Pic: Missionaries stopping by unannounced + kids in and out playing dominos & cards = Missionary work & FHE time :) "MORPARK!!"

"Turkey" - symbolically speaking

This past Thanksgiving was such an emotional Thanksgiving for me. My dad has been gone for almost five years next month (12.29.04).

Since I've been married, every year we "normally" have two Thanksgivings. Usually we first hit up wherever all my family is meeting, which is usually at Auntie Olita's house, and then we head over to have dinner at Ben's parents house in San Mateo. This year, my husbands parents were working so we were unable to spend time with them this year. As for spending time with my family, us Maile kids decided to have our own Thanksgiving at Blossom and Nita's house, after meeting up at Dad's cemetery. As everyone confirmed they would be coming via text, we then set the menu. I gave out the assignments which were as follows: Blossom would make mashed potatoes and stuffing, Phill/Suzette would make a meat dish of their choice, Nita was assigned cheese bread, Angel would make a veggie dish and Ben and I would make tri-tip. As the days got closer to Thanksgiving, I was thinking I would switch my dish from tri-tip to making a turkey. Yes it is Thanksgiving but my siblings and I would actually rather have tri-tip than a turkey. I decided to make a turkey instead because the "bird" just felt right. It's kind of like a "universal-rule" that turkey goes with Thanksgiving, so we MUST have one. Also, I've never not seen or not had turkey on Thanksgiving.

I have cooked many things in my lifetime. I mean, I LOVE to cook. I love spending every free moment (when not with my family) I have in the kitchen. It's funny because growing up it wasn't like I cooked all the time, but i did watch my dad hook up a kitchen on a nightly basis ;) As for turkeys, hands down my Auntie Olita makes the BEST turkey! Her turkey every year is MOIST, JUICY, FLAVORFUL, BROWNED & NEVER DRY! (can you tell I LOVE FOOD?!?) This year I asked my wonderful Aunt for her recipe, as to how she makes her "bird." The directions were as follows:

Brine turkey 6-12 hours.
Brine includes: 3 gallons of cold water, 1 1/2c. Koshers salt, fresh thyme, rosemary and garlic & pepper. Brine for 6-12 hours depending on size. Pat dry, let air dry for one half hour before butter rub.

Butter rub includes: butter, garlic powder, paprika, and pepper. Rub butter all over turkey including under breast. Place bird on a bed of cut/uncut veggies. Place foil over bird, and cook for one hour at 425 degrees. After one hour turn oven down to 350 degrees and cook for remainder of time. 45 minutes before turkey is done, uncover foil to brown.

As I was prepping late Wednesday night for the brine, I felt so lazy and powerless (if that makes any sense). My arms felt heavy, my eyelids felt like they were drooping over my eyeballs ready to touch my cheeks. My feet were lagging, my shoulders felt weighed on, and my heart was just "hurting." As I prepared myself to make the brine, my thoughts were turned to my childhood, for the SIMPLE fact that for the first time in my life I was making the "turkey!" Yes, sounds so simple, and you would think that a 25 year old should have NO PROBLEM doing something so simple as to following a recipe. It's not like it was my first time using an oven or something!

Growing up, my house, the "AMHERST" (**saying it LOUD & PROUD!**) was the house that united our immediate and extended families every year. It was the house we would all toga'i at after church, on Sundays. It was the house that taught me the importance of my individuality. It was the house that I learned what my divine-role in life would be. It was the house that many called "home."

Honestly I vaguely remember what the turkey tasted like, looked like, or how it was cooked every Thanksgiving. The turkey was never important to me. In fact I always thought turkey tasted like chicken, and believe me being on a budget growing up we had ENOUGH chicken on a nightly basis in our house. I never saw it necessary to have even the "taste" of chicken on a special occasion/holiday. Hence, turkey was nothing special to me. - Yet this year, turkey was everything to me. It was more than a symbol of Thanksgiving, it was a symbol of my childhood, and it was incomplete without it.

Question, so why was I so emotional as I made my very fist turkey this year?

When I was younger every Thanksgiving and Christmas there was always a turkey made by either my mom or one of my aunts. Actually everything cooked was made by my mom or my aunts. We of course helped out where help was needed but the "cooking" was done by the "grown-folks" (as was our dinners cooked by my daddy every single night) Wednesday afternoon, as I contemplated the steps for the turkey, I couldn't help but to feel overwhelmed. Not overwhelmed because I felt it was too hard. NO! Heck; water, garlic, pepper, some fresh herbs, & butter were the easiest ingredients to rub on a turkey. I was overwhelmed by the fact that, there is nobody here to make "my" turkey. It made me realize my mom has her own life in Utah. We, or maybe I should say I, am grown. I have a family of my own. My father has been gone almost 5 years next month. It made me realize, I am not a little girl anymore. I have to and had to step up. Because I have my own little family, I have to make these holidays and traditions just as important to my kids as they were and are to me.

Although my dad has been gone for almost five years, this realization made me miss him all over again. On this Thanksgiving Eve, I felt at my saddest point of longing for my dad again. After my dad passed away, we were so busy with the funeral arrangements that it wasn't until the moment we buried my father that I felt that "long-suffering" pain, I had never felt before. This day, the day I prepared "my" turkey was a reminder of that "long-suffering" pain and loneliness I had felt as they lowered my fathers casket into the ground, yet I knew I had to get through it. I knew that it would take faith on my part. I knew that I could long for my childhood as much as I wanted to, but in reality I will have to create that special part of "life" also known as "childhood" for my own children. By making this turkey, as it is a symbol of my childhood, I hope (for my children) through the years it will symbolically illustrate more than just a "holiday" but traditions of their childhood.

"When you finally go back to your old neighborhood, you realize it isn't the old house you missed, but your childhood."

Families are Forever

Being new to this whole blogging scene my mind is kind of scattered as I type this. I have felt a bit emotional as I am now back at home. The hubby and I along with our two eldest children had the opportunity to attend my big brother Amanaki Maile’s funeral in Utah this past weekend. Through this sad occasion was also a great opportunity for my children to meet many of their aunts, uncles & cousins on my Dad’s side, from all over: Utah, Florida, and Vegas. My eldest, which is 3 enjoyed being in the presence of her uncles. She loved playing childish games with these grown men, and being able to feel the love they have for her. As a mother I enjoyed seeing all of my older brothers tend to my children's needs, feeding them, wiping their spaghetti sauce faces,using their shirts as tissue to wipe their running noses, picking them up when they cried, and being BIG grown men chasing a 2' three year old under the kitchen table while playing a game of “tag”. My 19 month old son who tends to always play and do things on his own, and is normally stuck to my hip had a blast with his uncles. I enjoyed watching him sit quietly with his “blanky” in hand and suck his thumb as his Uncle Ben had a full on conversation with him, which was totally out of character for my little Papa

Growing up in California, we (my siblings and I) grew up extremely close to my mothers side of the family, in which I love and adore! The majority of my first cousins on my fathers side have always lived out of state from us. But don’t get me wrong since I could remember, every time us Maile cousin did get together we had the best times together. - This was the first time my little family has been able to attend a family function out of state all together (besides Eric). What a blessing it has been. I love my family. Now that I am a mother I see how important it is to have strong family ties with our extended families. Being able to see all of my cousins that I see only on occasion, and to have my children meet their aunts and uncles meant the world to me. My heart is FILLED with gratitude for this opportunity I have had to take my children with me to Utah. As I saw my cousin Kolei si’i (named after my beloved Father) a sense of peace came over me. It’s not only the name that reminds me of my dad but he always has that big “Maile Smile” on his face just like my Dad! Every time I see Kolei I automatically think of my dad’s blue scriptures that he used and studied from day in and day out, which were Kolei Si’i’s before he had left for his mission. I could not help but to think of my dad (RIP) during this occasion.

Now that we are home, I miss my family so much. I miss all of the “Grandmas,” my favorite uncles, my elder brothers and sisters, my nephews and nieces. Its a feeling of homesick. I can't help but to think of “Heaven” and what it would be like if we (our family) were missing just ONE person. The impact it would have on our family would be tremendous. If one of us were missing, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it would be to not be dwelling all together as a family. I have enjoyed every minute I have had with my family this past weekend. Though the occasion was sad, it had brought many “together.”

As I sat on the airplane ready to take off and head back to Oakland, my heart was filled with love and appreciation for my grandparents, Semisi & Nita Maile. Through their example of “Goodly-Godly parents” we have all been taught and know the “truth.” We know our Father’s plan for us. We know that if we live by His will and we do all we can to build His kingdom, we will be able be with one another through the eternities.